Tuesday, August 26, 2014

a discovery

First, a disclaimer: About 90% of the books I read are Young Adult Fiction. It's just what I'm naturally drawn to when I have the time to read. (Or listen, because audio books are the best.) It's my jam. Because I work at a library, and have for over five years, lots of people tend to assume that I am extremely well read and that I should be able to recommend any book on any subject. Let's just say that there's a reason I work in the processing department and not at a reference desk. 

But anyway, Young Adult Fiction. I just finished reading The Fault in Our Stars, by John Green. (Yes I cried and no I haven't seen the movie yet!) There was one line that stood out to me the most, right near the very end of the book:

The second I read it, it clicked with me. As with most things that stick out, it's because it related to my life. (duh.) It made me realize that one of the reasons that I struggle with blogging/writing so much, is that even though I have lots of thoughts and ideas and words in my mind, I have trouble getting them out and into coherent sentences and paragraphs. Or, if you will, fathoming my stars into constellations. And even if I can get it all written out, I have to read and re-read it over and over again to make sure that it sounds right and makes sense and doesn't sound stupid. Once I have sufficiently read it to death, I still hesitate to click the Publish button because I get scared. Scared that no one will read it, or care about it. Then I start thinking, "Hey, why should I even care what people think? I should be doing this for me! Screw people!" But that turns into, "Really though, when you get down to it, no matter what people say, on some level everyone wants their words and ideas and creativity to matter. It's human nature to seek approval..." On and on until I have the common sense to dig myself out of the deep thought hole I've created before I start thinking about space, time, the universe, the depths of the ocean and other mind boggling things. Once I'm on that thought train, there's no getting off until my brain is fried! So yes, it did take me three days to finish writing this post and I've read it about 20 times, but that's okay. It's something that I plan to work on and am hoping to get better at. Wish me luck...

(But don't expect me to ever become a daily blogger, I'm crossing my fingers for weekly!)

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

fresh start

I'm finally doing it!
I have been playing with the idea of breaking up with my old blog, (aka turning it into more of a private journal) and starting over fresh. I have been in a blogging rut for the past year (or two...) and am hoping that a brand new space will make me more excited and inspired to write and create and share. I want to be happy with all of the content that I put on here, because in the past, that hasn't always been the case. Let's be honest, past Anna embarrasses me sometimes... (we've all been there, right?) (right?) (Bueller?) (cliché movie reference anyone?) And no, that's not a secret way of saying that I'm going to try and make it seem like I have a perfect life. Because I don't. And everyone knows it. Because NOBODY has a perfect life. (hard as it is to believe sometimes.) I know that some people get all up in arms about those who do decide to portray their lives like that, and I get it. I've been there. I've seen those people who seem to have mastered every facet of everything you can only dream of doing and being. Those people who's imperfections don't actually seem like imperfections and, even on their "bad days", look better than you on a good day. I'm just saying that I feel like I have the right to pick and choose what I put out there into the internet universe. And I am choosing to only put content out that makes me happy. Because, as we all know, but too often forget, happiness is key.

One thing that makes me happy and that I am very grateful for, is that technology was not quite so advanced back when I was a teenager. As much as I love my smart phone and Instagram and other social networking sites, I'm glad that I didn't have them in Jr. high and high school. (with the exception of Facebook which I got four months before I graduated.) I'm glad that I got to live in the age of chunky Nokia phones that you could play Snake on. And then later, flip phones, where the coolest thing ever was just the fact that you could text, and if you were lucky, have a camera! (on which you could take tiny pixelated selfies before selfies were actually a thing.) And, crazy as it seems, I'm glad that I got to experience the terror and anxiety of having to call my crush on their parent's land line and then trying to play it cool when a family member answered and I had to ask for them. And judging by my very first blog, I can't even imagine how awkward and embarrassing my Instagram feed would have been as a 13, 14, 15 or even 16 year old! I don't know how kids these days do it. 

I guess what I'm getting at is this; I'm glad for my life. Past, present and future. And I'm excited for a fresh start in the blogging world.