Tuesday, August 26, 2014

a discovery

First, a disclaimer: About 90% of the books I read are Young Adult Fiction. It's just what I'm naturally drawn to when I have the time to read. (Or listen, because audio books are the best.) It's my jam. Because I work at a library, and have for over five years, lots of people tend to assume that I am extremely well read and that I should be able to recommend any book on any subject. Let's just say that there's a reason I work in the processing department and not at a reference desk. 

But anyway, Young Adult Fiction. I just finished reading The Fault in Our Stars, by John Green. (Yes I cried and no I haven't seen the movie yet!) There was one line that stood out to me the most, right near the very end of the book:

The second I read it, it clicked with me. As with most things that stick out, it's because it related to my life. (duh.) It made me realize that one of the reasons that I struggle with blogging/writing so much, is that even though I have lots of thoughts and ideas and words in my mind, I have trouble getting them out and into coherent sentences and paragraphs. Or, if you will, fathoming my stars into constellations. And even if I can get it all written out, I have to read and re-read it over and over again to make sure that it sounds right and makes sense and doesn't sound stupid. Once I have sufficiently read it to death, I still hesitate to click the Publish button because I get scared. Scared that no one will read it, or care about it. Then I start thinking, "Hey, why should I even care what people think? I should be doing this for me! Screw people!" But that turns into, "Really though, when you get down to it, no matter what people say, on some level everyone wants their words and ideas and creativity to matter. It's human nature to seek approval..." On and on until I have the common sense to dig myself out of the deep thought hole I've created before I start thinking about space, time, the universe, the depths of the ocean and other mind boggling things. Once I'm on that thought train, there's no getting off until my brain is fried! So yes, it did take me three days to finish writing this post and I've read it about 20 times, but that's okay. It's something that I plan to work on and am hoping to get better at. Wish me luck...

(But don't expect me to ever become a daily blogger, I'm crossing my fingers for weekly!)

1 comment:

  1. That's a great quote - it definitely can be hard to make constellations. If it makes a difference, I always like reading your blog.